‘I was a functioning alcoholic’: Cliff Bleszinski opens up about addiction, recovery, and his hope to return to games
The Gears of War designer says his drinking led to a seizure and he’s now focused on his health
Gears of War designer Cliff Bleszinski has opened up about his past with alcohol addiction, and his hope to return to games as he recovers.
In a lengthy interview with 80 Level, Bleszinski – who was a designer on the Unreal series before designing the first three Gears of War games – said his alcoholism started in the early 2000s when he was was gifted a bottle of vodka by a Russian journalist, and continued throughout the rest of his career.
“I was a functioning alcoholic,” he told the publication. “Then I became a non-functioning alcoholic.”
Explaining that “the Gears of War trilogy was largely developed hungover by me”, Bleszinski said he built up a tolerance to alcohol over the years and used it to help him get to sleep.
He also noted that while he accepts responsibility for his drinking problem, a heavy drinking culture has been a part of the video game industry.
“You go to your GDCs, you go to your E3s, you have three nights in a row of going to parties, or wine dinner with your partners and then you have hotel lobby bars,” he said. “My tolerance was so high that other developers would have a few and I would get all of this confidential information and remember it. It was almost like my superpower for a while.”
Bleszinski says his alcoholism became worse following the commercial failure of his game LawBreakers and the subsequent collapse of his studio Boss Key Productions.
“I basically got to the point where I didn’t have anything to get out of bed for,” he said, explaining that he spent his days reading, hanging out with his wife and drinking heavily.
“I realised this is me hitting a wall”
The latter came to a head earlier this year when Bleszinski suffered a seizure related to his drinking, and woke up in hospital where he stayed for a week to undergo tests.
“Eventually, my body was like ‘fuck you’, and I realized this is me hitting a wall and it’s time to give this up after 25 years of partying,” he said.
Since then, Bleszinski has stopped drinking – he’s now four months sober – he went to an outpatient treatment facility, has been seeing a therapist, and is now focused on his health.
He told the publication he also hopes to get back into working on video games again, saying: “At the end of the day, I want to create characters and worlds. I want to make stuff that people will cosplay as and get tattooed on their bodies.”
While he didn’t share any details on what a potential new game from him may look like, Bleszinski did at least say it wouldn’t be another PvP game like LawBreakers was.
“Good luck to anyone in that space,” he said. “I’m more of a fan of PvE these days. Horde mode saved Gears 2, and I believe that space is evergreen because players just want to hop online with friends and shoot some stuff, no frills, no questions asked.”
Summarising his addiction and his new road to recovery, Bleszinski said: “It’s been a journey. I don’t want to be that person where my defining aspect is my alcoholism. I want to be that well-known, hopefully loved, successful game designer who is a great husband who also happens to be an alcoholic.”
